Updated: Dec 10, 2020
By Isabelle Balaban
Part 1: Sharing (or lack thereof)
Posting about how you don’t care about people’s Spotify Wrapped
You puzzle me, because we both know you’re looking at everyone’s Spotify Wrapped, so why not just own it? Sure, it’s December but you’re bringing out the Scrooge of it all a bit early. In the year of celebrities tackling a deadly virus by singing Imagine and fighting fascism with naked selfies, this is far from the most narcissistic thing to happen in recent days.
Posting on your Instagram story with a self-deprecating caption
You’re not embarrassed and are definitely humble-bragging about your music taste. You’re almost self-aware but definitely not.
Posting with a comment about how you have “range” or “eclectic taste”
At least you’re owning the flex. You have a main character complex and spend a great deal of time cultivating an aesthetic. You also definitely have strong opinions about why records are sonically superior. It gives you a massive endorphin rush when someone asks where you bought an article of clothing and you tell them it’s thrifted.
Posting about how you genuinely do care about people’s Spotify Wrapped
You’re probably kind, but you’re definitely nosy. I get it, you’re stuck inside and bored.
Posting it without a caption (full send)
This is the kind of confidence I aspire to. You know who you are and aren’t afraid to show the world. You know it’s a trend, but that’s part of the fun. Your favorite Nirvana song is Smells Like Teen Spirit and you don’t even care that it’s popular because it’s just good.
Posting it and asking your followers if they’re surprised
You have made your favorite musical artist a cornerstone of your personality and if anyone actually is surprised it would probably upset you.
Texting it to a few close friends but not posting it
You have a healthy dose of shame combined with a solid, trustworthy circle of friends who know the real you. You definitely have an individuality complex and a tendency to overthink. You’re weary of the extent to which you participate in trends. You are very self-aware, but it might actually benefit you to let loose and unashamedly do something just because it’s fun, even if everyone else is too.
Top secret no one else has seen it
You probably listen to a lot of show tunes, but aren’t a theater kid. You have not only a sense of shame, but also restraint. I admire your self-control, but kind of fear you.
Part 2: Top Artists
You probably entered into a fugue state in July, or dare I say, august, and listened to nothing but folklore. You then experienced psychological regression and went deep into her whole discography starting at Speak Now. You definitely never dated anyone with a stupid, old, pickup truck they never let you drive but by god do you hate it. You might not have listened to Taylor that much before July 24th, but you came for the eerie woodsy aesthetic and stayed for the bridges. You go hard to All Too Well and have delved deep into Taylor’s personal life from the scarf she gave Jake Gyllenhaal to Dianna Agron’s tattoo removal. To be honest, you might not be doing All Too Well.
Who hurt you? You’ve definitely been in your feels this year, and honestly I don’t blame you. 2020 has been a lot less Running through the Six and a lot more Woes. You might not have Started From The Bottom, but based on how much Drake you listened to this year, it’s possible you hit it. You’ve been taking long showers and really thinking about your relationships to others and the world around you. Be kind to yourself.
You’re so cool and I want to be your friend. The world has knocked you down before, but you’ve come back swinging. You know who you are and you’ll never let anyone take that from you. You march to the beat of your own drum and have a natural, understated charisma that draws people in. You’re cultured, but not in a pretentious way, because everything is art to you. You wear Doc Martens, but like, you really wear them. You like poetry and love ‘work’ in cafes and parks to fuel your people-watching habit. You’re a keen observer and you have a clear idea of how people operate. You also find comfort in watching Fiona’s 1997 MTV VMA acceptance speech and her blacklisting will always be a touchy subject for you.
Are you okay? I think we both know the answer is no. You’re definitely sad, but it’s become part of your aesthetic so at least you can somewhat capitalize off of your emotional turmoil… yay? You’re soft-spoken, but you don’t mince words. You hate leaving things unsaid and stay awake at night thinking about tying up your loose ends. You romanticize your life and find a beautiful sadness in the mundane. You probably want to hate Paul Mescal for getting to date Phoebe, but you can’t deny that he’s also attractive. You love A24 films and can definitely pull off a sweater vest.
You are either a genuine connoisseur of hip-hop and respect the intricacy and artistry of every song Kanye has ever put out, or you’re the kid who plays devil’s advocate in their poli-sci class and first heard Kanye in a dingy frat basement and decided that liking him would be a central tenet of your personality. Whichever category actually applies to you, you’ll think you belong in the first and god bless anyone who tries to convince you otherwise. You love to have long, one-sided conversations about the importance of separating the artist from the art. You also probably spend a lot of money on sneakers (not just Yeezy’s) or would consider yourself a sneakerhead.
When someone says they had a bad experience smoking, you’re the first to tell them they had the wrong strain. You’re either very laid-back, or want to convince people that you are. When someone tells you they like Tame Impala, instead of being excited, you feel the need to assert dominance in the form of proving that you’re a bigger Tame Impala fan. It’s a point of pride that you don’t listen to pop or rap. You tell people you listen to more indie and underground artists, they probably haven't heard of. One day you will realize that everyone has heard of Tame Impala, but today is not that day. You have at some point had an experience in or pertaining to the woods that you would consider transformative. You regularly wear tie-dye and consider your Chacos an extension of your corporeal being.
You don’t just listen to Billie, you have actively incorporated her aesthetic into your daily life. One time your cousin said they think Billie is an industry plant. You haven’t talked to them since. You think that anyone who says they don’t like Billie either doesn’t understand her (or you by extension) or just hates her because she’s popular. You will definitely not like to hear this, but you’re the chihuahua of music fans and think you’re way more intimidating than you really are. That being said, the media’s treatment of Billie has probably made you more outspoken about the objectification of women, which is definitely a good thing. You also have probably dyed your hair this year.
It goes without saying that you’re in your feels (after all, your most played artist is The Weeknd), but ever since Abel’s Grammy snub, you’ve been unable to Save Your Tears. You’re loyal and if anything, the Academy’s egregious breach of the overwhelming people’s choice has made you listen to the Weeknd even more. You’re a really caring person and give more to people than you get in return. You’ve been hurt before, but you still have Faith in your ability to cultivate meaningful relationships. I also feel like you have LED lights in your room, and they’re usually set to blue or purple.
You have not talked about anything else since the Vogue cover dropped. You think Harry invented androgyny or femininity in men and when someone points to Prince, David Bowie, or even 2013 Jaden Smith you pretend you cannot see it. You have definitely purchased some variation of a pearl necklace, cardigan, and flared suit/dress shirt this year. It is unclear if you want to be Harry or be with Harry, it’s a Fine Line. Probably both. What is clear, is that you certainly Adore him. You also probably spend a lot of time on TikTok.