Where Is the Healthy Representation For Lesbians?
Where is the healthy representation of lesbians and lesbianism? With notable lesbian celebrities recently expressing feelings of pressure to be lesbian, not to mention reality shows that feed off toxicity, where can lesbians turn in popular media?
In June, JoJo Siwa told Daily Mail’s YOU Magazine that she felt pressured to come out as a lesbian. Siwa claimed that the pressure came from previous partners, notably non-male partners, and she is now dating notable reality TV star Chris Hughes. Siwa is not alone in her recent switch in partners, with popular queer artist Fletcher revealing that she is now also dating a man. On an episode of the ‘Made It Out’ podcast, Fletcher called her past relationships with women an “era of my life”. Many listeners and queer fans felt that Fletcher’s phrasing implied that being lesbian or queer (in general) is something a person can simply change.
But the lesbian community isn’t mad that Fletcher is bisexual, or that she dates men. Lesbians are enraged that Fletcher essentially erased her queer identity altogether. And, to rub salt in the wound, the singer released a song about how she is dating a man during Pride Month in June. In a TikTok, user @offlineconnor pinpointed the root of the issue.
“She released a mid song about being in a heteronormative relationship, acting like she’s gonna be persecuted for it, during pride month, in Donald Trump’s America,” says Connor.
Connor’s statement demonstrates the dangerous idea that many straight and conservative Americans believe: that they are and will be persecuted for being the majority. If celebrities feel “pressured” to be queer, then those who are straight must be victimized, despite this never being historically true. The second part of Connor’s assertion is one that digs into the centuries long issue of queer people, especially queer women, being labeled as evil and in need of saving. The problem is not that Fletcher is dating a man, it is that, whether she knows it or not, she is reinforcing toxic and homophobic rhetoric.
Lesbians have long been labeled as “predatory” , a stereotype that proposes the idea of a seductress working to lead an innocent (straight) girl down a path of sin. By saying that they were forced to identify as lesbians, both Siwa and Fletcher reinforce the idea that they were somehow led down this path by other lesbians, including past partners. Lesbians – specifically mascs, butches, and studs – are often victims of the “predator lesbian” label, which occasionally even comes from fellow lesbians and other queer women.
In general, healthy representation of lesbianism (without these stereotypes) is hard to come by. The second season of The Ultimatum: Queer Love premiered on Netflix on June 25, becoming some of this year’s most notable queer media and representation. The show is a spin off of the original version, which follows six straight couples. In both versions of the show, one person has issued the “ultimatum,” asserting that they will break up with their partner if they do not propose by the end of the show.
In the “queer love” version of the show, the 12 women-loving-women break up and date the other new “singles” who are also on the show. In the end there are three decisions for each contestant: getting engaged to your original partner, leaving with a new partner, or leaving single.
The concept of the show is a strange one. A friend of mine told me, “If you have to go on a television show to force an engagement, then it's already over.” The queer version of the show runs into a multitude of problems, despite its attempt at queer representation. Firstly, it bolsters stereotypes such as the “player lesbian” and the “overly sexual lesbian.” Secondly, the show is unsympathetic of lesbians who come from cultures that are unaccepting of their identities. Often, these women are struggling with the ostracizing of family members, while also knowing that they deserve to be happy and in love. Thirdly, the show inaccurately portrays queer love as messy, mean and manipulative.
The show is one of just a handful of queer reality shows. Before The Ultimatum: Queer Love, there were only a handful of queer reality shows. RuPaul’s Drag Race has blazed a path for more queer-centered reality TV, rather than a singular queer couple being featured on an episode of each sitcom. When we look at the numbers of reality shows that don’t center queer people or queer representation, there is very little representation in one of the most lucrative entertainment genres: reality TV. So, when the issue of improper representation permeates from music into reality TV as well – there are very few real-life good examples for lesbians to follow.
This lack of healthy representation deeply affects the lesbian community. Those who are on their coming out journey oftentimes turn to media, in any form, to help them on their path. When that path is lined with representation of angry, hypersexual and abusive lesbians, some may pull back or repress themselves, overwhelmed with fear and internalized homophobia.
As is with most minority groups, lesbians and other members of the LGBTQ+ community mostly take it upon themselves to create healthy, honest and loving representation. Short films, books, mini YouTube series and more feature realistic and healthy lesbian relationships. Recording artists such as King Princess, Chappell Roan (with all their flaws) and Hayley Kiyoko, who refuse to shy away from their lesbianism and actresses, such as Sarah Paulson, who is unapologetically in love with and married to another woman, are important to the lesbian community. Lesbians aren’t mad at Siwa and Fletcher or the Queer Ultimatum. Lesbians want more representation – and they don’t want that representation to play on stereotypes or to see their sexuality constantly questioned.
Lesbian love and joy is beautiful, and it is time for the rest of the world to see it for what it is. Instead of focusing on celebrities who reject lesbian identity or shows that present the most negative sides of lesbian relationships, we should instead be widening the net of representation for lesbians, in all the facets of life; self-identity, relationships and love.