Parasocial Relationships: Does Gen-Z Take it Too Far?

On August 25, Taylor Swift posted a series of photos announcing her engagement to Kansas City Chief’s player, Travis Kelce. Swift shared the news to her 282 million Instagram followers, with millions more hearing the news from TikToks and media outlets. The response to the “It” couples’ recent life update left Swifties with a multitude of emotions. 

For many of Swift’s fans, the announcement was great news. The pop star is known for having a string of bad luck with boyfriends and Kelce is a breath of fresh air. However, not everyone is excited for Swift and Kelce’s upcoming nuptials. Some fans have expressed their hope that the engagement is a publicity stunt, or that another messy break up will yield yet another album from the singer songwriter. Swifties are divided, both sides claiming they “know Taylor and exactly what she is thinking.” 

Many Swifties (and others) are in what is known as a parasocial relationship with their idol, Taylor Swift. According to Psychology Today, parasocial relationships are, “One-sided relationships in which a person develops a strong sense of connection, intimacy, or familiarity with someone they don’t know, most often celebrities or media personalities.” 

Parasocial relationships are different from that of being a fan. According to the same article from Psychology Today, fans can separate their liking for a celebrity from their own personality. Whereas those in parasocial relationships make being a fan of a celebrity central to their personality, such as being a Little Monster - megafans of Lady Gaga -  or being a Swiftie. Those who engage in parasocial relationships might view the celebrity as their  peer or colleague. While Swifties “know” Swift, they are not her friends or family and therefore do not know her as intimately as they act like they do. 

For many who are not fans of Swift, the “relationship” Swifties have with her can border on the bizarre and extreme. One sub-section of Swifties known as “Gaylors” have long postulated that Swift is a closeted lesbian who is being kept from coming out by her manager and other members of her team. When Kelce proposed and Swift accepted, “Gaylors” found their hopes of Swift being with a woman were dashed. The subreddit r/GaylorSwift has been active since 2018 and is devoted to theories and analyzing Swift's close female friendships/ relationships that appear to have sapphic undertones. The page claims to also analyze queer messaging and undertones in her music and other artistic pursuits, including speculation about Swift’s supposed romantic relationships with model Karlie Kloss and Glee actress Dianna Aragon. According to Fanlore, Gaylors began to pick up on Easter Eggs that Swift was leaving in her songs to reference her past (alleged) lesbian relationships.

 In a post one user expresses, "genuine fear” over how serious Swift and Kelce are becoming and writes that if the engagement isn’t just a PR stunt the user will end up in the hospital. “What if she’s really not queer at all?”, the poster questions. The reality is that Swift has never confirmed her sexuality to be anything but straight. There has not been any concrete proof of these relationships, but the speculation is fueled by parasocial feelings about the singer’s personal life.  This is not the only case of fans being convinced that a celebrity is closeted, with some Directioners (fans of boyband One Direction) believing that members Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were in a romantic relationship. 

At the core of parasocial relationships is a desire for community. Anyone has the ability to become particularly attached to a celebrity or media personality. There is nothing wrong with a desire for connection and a love for artistic expression, until it borders on inappropriate obsession. In recent years, psychologists have linked parasocial relationships to OCD and celebrity worship syndrome (CWS). While liking a celebrity is not necessarily a sign of mental illness, parasocial relationships have been linked to obsessive behavior and can require mitigation efforts to break free. 

CWS was coined in a 2003 study by  American psychologists Lynn E. McCutcheon and John Maltby. CWS is defined as an abnormal type of parasocial relationship, driven by absorption and addictive elements and which potentially has significant clinical sequelae. The study examines different levels of obsession: Entertainment-social, Intense-personal and Borderline-pathological. Each level becomes more intense, with those falling in the Borderline-pathological tier being unable to control their thoughts and actions when it comes to the celebrity. 

On occasions, those parasocial relationships have turned to stalking their obsession, following the celebrity, sending them mail, finding and visiting their homes (and sometimes attempting to break in) and other dangerous actions. In January of 2023, a man named Christopher Anderson attempted to break into  Billie Eilish’s childhood home. Eilish filed for a restraining order against Anderson. She would later go onto write the song “The Diner” –  a song from the perspective of a different stalker, who believes Eilish is making eye contact with them through screens, therefore welcoming a romantic relationship. While there is not an exact number of how many celebrities have experienced stalking, there is no shortage of stories about the traumatic events. 

Several times, parasocial relationships have gone further than just stalking. Often, when a person in a parasocial relationship feels their paramour has done something to betray their messaging or the stalker personally, extreme actions are taken. In December of 1980, John Lennon of The Beatles was shot outside his apartment by a man who felt he knew him personally. Mark David Chapman claimed he had shot Lennon because he was a hypocrite when it came to his preaching of peace and love. Christina Grimmie, a singer songwriter, was shot and killed  in January of 2016 by Kevin James Lobi during a meet and greet. Lobi had convinced himself that he and Grimmie were meant to be together.  Actions such as these have led to extreme security at shows and festivals and is the reason that many artists will no longer do meet and greets.

While the average fan is not engaging in a parasocial relationship, social media and the rise of influencers has blurred the lines of fan culture and obsession. Influencers often take to social media to show a day in their life or what they eat in a day. This persona that influencers put on for their followers not only opens up the door to criticism but to parasocial relationships as well. An influencer's main job is to be likeable, so when an influencer and their lifestyle begins to become unrelatable, the public begins to criticize. 

For many, as influencers who came from middle class backgrounds become more popular and can afford more luxuries, people become disillusioned. In May 2024, influencer Haley Kalil (known as HayleyyBaylee on social media), was criticized for posting a video of herself at the Met Gala, lipsyncing the words “Let Them Eat Cake” from the 2006 movie Marie Antoinette. The video was highly criticized as tone-deaf, given the Met Gala’s massive price tag to participate has been labeled as dystopian- a Hunger Games District One activity. Kalili later posted an apology video, though many in the comments claimed that her apology was “performative” and just to get her follower count back up. 

At the end of the day, it is important to remember two things. One, we the public do not know celebrities on a personal level. Regardless of how much they “let us in” on their social media or what they talk about in interviews or on tour. Two, celebrities are people, just like us. At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to privacy and influencers are not required to share every bit of their life with their fans and the public. While it is important to hold celebrities accountable for their actions and platforms, parasocial relationships take these feelings too far.